I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
