Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
