someone get that fucking seahorse.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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