I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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