Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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