I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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