I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
