I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize