He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
