he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
