I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize