i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
