Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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