Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
