It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She said her name was "party"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize