Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
