The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge๐ค
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize