I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
