Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Found your dick twin last night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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