I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
