u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
