I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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