My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
