after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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