Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
