Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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