hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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