So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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