Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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