Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
