About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize