My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize