you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
