remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize