I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
