i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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