i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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