Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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