why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
