We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize