Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
