he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Fuck appropriateness.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
