Rock
Scissors
Fuck
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
