Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
