Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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