Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
