You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She needs sedatives and a leash
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Randomize
