who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
