Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
