he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
