You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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