I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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