your parents love me but you hate me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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