You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
