If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
