i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
