Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
