Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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