I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
