come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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