Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
