Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
