Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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