If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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