He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
