yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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