why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize