Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
