I didn't shave. On purpose
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
